You love spending quality time with your BFF, but you and her new boyfriend have a chemistry like no other. After ignoring him for months, he’s bringing the heat in a brand new way, silently urging you to betray your nearest and dearest, and while it would feel so right, you know you need to fight it. How can you avoid his soulful stare?
Check his extremities for flaws. Point out his gray hairs and potentially cancerous moles to his girlfriend so she knows you aren’t admiring his beautiful, intense stare.
Try to look at your nose. This trick works every time. Tell them it’s a trick you’re trying to master. He may even be capable of it, because God those eyes.
Stare at your friend’s boobs. She’ll either be flattered or self-conscious but it’ll throw them both off the scent – of those stunning baby blues locking into yours.
Talk until his eyes glaze over. Update him on all the interoffice politics you’ve been meaning to complain about but can’t find anyone to listen. Remember not to ask any questions – just keeping talking about Keith, Jim, and their refusal to promote Briana or refill the chocolate jar. Don’t engage in his meaningful looks that make you feel like you’re the only two people in the room.
Count all the calories on your plate. Being a good friend while staying healthy. You are such a good person! Don’t take a bite until you’ve estimated the portion size, calories per ounce, and calculated the total damage. He sees your nervous yet endearing demeanor, but all you see is the 19.5 grams of protein on your plate.
Dump out your purse on the ground. Spend the evening trying to pick your valuables up off the floor. Repeat if necessary. This move is notable for the opportunity to use your phone guilt-free under the table all night, free from his enraptured gaze that says, “I want to spend a lifetime with you.”
Good luck and don’t forget the BFF code – don’t covet another BFF’s man until ten months after they break up unless you’re at least two time zones apart. No matter how much he’s trying so seduce you will his steely gaze and dreamy pools of blue.
