How Many Retreats Can I Attend Before I’m Just in Hiding?

I’m like any average girl: I need a yearly trip to Cancun with my yoga dojo to reset my inner balance and thrive in my daily life. But when I got back from last year’s trip (life-changing!), I got an Evite from a reiki healer friend about a spot open on her vaginastral projecting workshop in Barbados. One retreat led to another, and now I’ve somehow been on retreats for the past 11 months. I feel lighter and freer than ever, but still, one question dogs my mind: Am I past the point of going on temporary retreats and well into the territory of something more permanent?


Have I officially retreated from society? Am I just in hiding now?


I’m writing this from the business yurt in the Lower Land of Kambaį, which I think is somewhere in Manitoba but it’s a little unclear, as we came here on a small plane ride that culminated in a nighttime spirit hike. We’re led by an incredible demi-shaman named Peek, who bottle-feeds each one of us every night in his lap. I feel so profoundly healed, loved, and connected to nature. But in the back of my mind, I realize how long it’s been since I’ve been to work.


I attempt to “do battle with the suckling false-child, Obligation,” as Peek calls it, and try to fight off this sense of guilt, but I wonder if maybe my vacation days have run out by now. They probably have, right? I can’t remember how many weeks I get but I’m pretty sure it’s less than 48. Can someone call my boss and ask if I’m fired? I’d email her, but Peek gave us all new names, so I don’t think she’d know who I am. Oh boy.



Did I mention it’s all-inclusive? Like, I haven’t taken my wallet out once. Not once all week. Actually I haven’t taken my wallet out in…a long time? Wait, where’s my wallet? Ugh that’s right, I burned it in a ceremonial raft fire in Thailand. I felt so much lighter after, but still…


Could someone tell me my real name really quick? I think it’s Dara but…Sarah maybe? Help.


I had every intention of going back home after my wall-hang overnight on the cliffs of Cusco, Peru (so freeing!!), but the next morning I decided to do the optional nest-side yoga brunch in a protected falcon breeding area, and in that class were some super sweet bacterio-psychics who were hosting a micro-séance on an iceberg in Alaska that had one spot open, and… well, I haven’t seen my son in almost a year. Is he grown?


I think I was running away from something, back there, in my past life. But now I can’t remember what. Am I hiding here? I’m not sure if I’m getting away from it all or if I’ve been repeatedly, consensually kidnapped, but one thing is certain: I feel so much lighter right now!!