Becky and Matt Cort’s annual Christmas party known as “Friendstivus” is set to take place this Wednesday evening, but sources confirmed that 75% of the guest list has yet to RSVP to the Evite, including Scott, the group’s one “cool” friend.
“We just want to know if it’s a yes or no,” assures Becky, nervously checking her inbox for any sign of response from the obvious linchpin in this scenario. “It’s okay if you can’t come. The holidays are busy, we get it. But I mean, we did put a lot of work into this. For Christ’s sake, Matt bought a new cheese board from Anthropologie. And no, it wasn’t on sale.”
What began as a fun night of drinking and laughing slowly turned into something most people started actively dreading around Thanksgiving. “None of us has anything in common anymore,” explains potential attendee Dara Chapman. “The only reason to go is to see Scott. You know he runs a record label now?”
Everyone we spoke with agreed that for the last few years, the only real reason to go to the party was to hang out with Scott and hear about all the cool stuff he was doing. “I’m pretty sure he only goes to Becky and Matt’s party because he feels bad for them,” says Chapman. “And he’s way too busy to hang out with one on one, so we’re all hoping he still feels bad for them this year.”
One woman on the Evite, who asked that we didn’t use her real name, tells us, “I have another thing that night, so I probably won’t make it.” Out of curiosity, we decided to tell her that e had received intel that Scott was indeed going. She quickly changed her tune: “I’m not NOT going. I just have another thing, but it’s earlier, so you know what, I can probably swing by that and then make it to Friendstivus before Scott starts beatboxing. Has anyone told you about how he does that? It’s really cool. It usually happens after dinner, but before dessert. I love Scott.”
Another one of the delinquent RSVPers reports, “Every year he brings some cool new girlfriend to the party who’s a yoga instructor or a stuntwoman. Meanwhile, I haven’t had sex with my wife in two years and all I have to look forward to is mowing the lawn. If Scott’s out, I’m out. If not, I’m sorry but Matt and Becky have like, no parking on their block. It’s a pain.”
We asked Becky if she thought Scott could be the reason for the lack of concrete RSVPs. “They’ll get around to it. Our lives are different than they used to be. People have kids, more responsibilities. We’re not in college anymore! This has nothing to do with Scott…but have you talked to him? Did he say he was coming?”
“All I know is if I don’t hear back from someone soon, I’m putting the whole party on hold,” threatens cohost Matt. “I didn’t buy that new cheese board for me, my wife and the Perrys from next door to use. We don’t even like the Perrys!”
When we attempted to reach Scott for comment, we got one of those trick voicemails that made us think he was answering the phone, but couldn’t hear us, and then revealed that it was really a recording. It was pretty cool!
