Baltimore resident Anna McDuff is delighted with her recent collection of Real Simple magazines. McDuff says she enjoys the clean, uncluttered layout of the magazine, the advice columns, and how easily they stack in massive piles around her home.
“I love knowing that the mountains of magazines that dangerously tower over my chair-bed are full of clutter-busting ideas,” says McDuff, from her chair-bed.
According to former friends and family, McDuff “has a problem,” but they agree that navigating around piles of women’s lifestyle magazines is a lot nicer than the usual stacks of empty Special K cereal boxes and Crystal Light packets.
“I am a thinking, modern woman,” says McDuff, while defecating into an adult diaper, “and having a few hundred issues of Real Simple littered around the house is the perfect way to impress men, should I ever get the courage to invite one back here.”
McDuff was first introduced to the magazine when her mother gave her a subscription for her birthday, hoping it could improve her life in some way. McDuff feels the collection is improving her life, crediting the magazine’s emphasis on organization as motivation for her intended spring cleaning project. She plans on moving all her porcelain doll heads to the west side of the Richard Gere DVD pile, and all her used gel pens to the east. “But the Richard Gere pile stays where it is,” says McDuff. “It’s a memorial to all my cat mummies.”
“I don’t understand how she’s even amassed this number of magazines,” McDuff’s cousin Caitlin says. “Real Simple has only been releasing monthly issues for like 15 years, and somehow Anna has like 500 magazines.”
“I’ll tell you a little secret,” says McDuff. “It’s called going through the trash of the nicer houses around here.”
Despite the fact that her house has been condemned and the water and power shut off, McDuff feels she is the prime example of a Real Simple success story. “What’s better than kicking back reading about some resourceful new uses for old things on a sofa I’ve made out of old issues of my favorite magazine?! Talk about resourceful!”
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