Are you finally in a stable relationship? You know what that means—it’s time to buy adorable couples’ gifts! Get ready for monograms and disappointment, as we’ve compiled a list of the best ‘His & Hers’ products that he will literally never use.
Matching Aprons (PersonalCreations.com, $49.99)
These coordinating aprons make an adorable gift that he’ll most likely give to his nephew as a cape because lets face it, he never cooks and he’s certainly not going to start now that you’re around so much.
Keepsake Box (Etsy, $26)
Fill this sweet little box with ticket stubs, Polaroid pictures, and love notes from your number-one man. Maybe one day he’ll use it as a hiding place for an engagement ring, but for now, it’s deep in one of his desk drawers that also houses a half-full box of condoms from 2006.
Embroidered Terrycloth Spa Slippers (GreatMothersDayGiftIdeas.com, $35.95)
These are perfect for a couples’ spa retreat or on a chilly morning at your favorite bed and breakfast. Just make sure you don’t plan a trip during hockey, football, basketball, soccer, horse dancing, or women’s curling season! When those plans inevitably fall through, you can use his spa slippers as oven mitts while trying to imitate another one of his mother’s recipes!
Mason Jar Cups (Etsy, $12.95)
Despite your best efforts, he won’t let you serve his friends drinks in these cups during the big sports game. He’ll say that they can only drink from team memorabilia for good luck, and they don’t want to curse the playoffs. But here’s an insider tip: You can split an entire bottle of wine with yourself between these two monogrammed rustic mason jar cups! You’ll just have to drink in the kitchen during the game because you are, as he puts it, “a total jinx.” Aww, he has the cutest nicknames for you!
Silk Eye Mask (Etsy, $15)
There is a chance that he might actually just throw this one straight in the garbage, right in front of your face. That’s how blatantly wrong this gift is for him. But on the bright side, no one can see you cry when you’re wearing your super luxurious silk eye mask! Crying is healthy!
He’s Mine She’s Mine Phone Cases (365PrintingInk.com, $19.99)
What better way to make sure he’s thinking of you every time he looks at his phone? He’ll love the adorable decal that makes it feel like you’re pissing on his leg in front of the whole world. Even if he takes it off and leaves it in his car everyday before getting to work, he’ll wish he hadn’t when he drops his phone and cracks the screen! You protect him from himself!
Personalized Coffee Stencil (NotOnTheHighStreet.com, $14.23)
He keeps saying that he only drinks black coffee, but who could resist a caramel macchiato with both of your names on it?! Him. He will probably do everything in his power to resist drinking a caramel macchiato. In that case, invite the girls for a “coffee party” to impress them with your barista skills. They appreciate you and he doesn’t!!
We all know that the best part of any relationship is the swag. Once your current boyfriend gets fed up with all of your purchases and dumps you, it’s time to start the whole process over again with a new beau! Happy hunting!