Keeping a clean apartment is important for aesthetic and sanitary purposes, but also for your mental and emotional wellbeing. It is for these reasons that I prioritize keeping a clean apartment –– hey, woah, don’t look in that closet!
What the hell? You can’t just go opening other people’s closets! Oh, you thought it was the bathroom? Well, you should’ve said so! Here, let me walk you to the bathroom and show you how clean and tidy everything is on the way there.
See how spotless the baseboards are? That’s because I dusted them. And the carpet? Yes, vacuumed. Keeping this space uncluttered and dust-free truly brings my spirit peace. I don’t understand how people can live in a messy, untidy, grotesque space–– hey, that’s not the bathroom! Close that door!
Do you have a death wish? You could have been crushed by all the debris and clutter stuffed in there! Or, what I mean to say is, don’t look through my very normal and tidy closet! That’s private!
Look, let’s not talk about my closets, okay? Just pretend they don’t exist. Everyone knows that when you’re talking about how clean your apartment is, the closets are exempt.
Instead, come over here and look at how well I made my bed! See how fluffy my pillows are? It’s because I fluffed them! It just makes me feel good to do stuff like that.
What’s that? You saw that my closet was filled to the brim with clothes, trash, and miscellaneous knick knacks? And you feel compelled to mention that you saw my front hall closet was filled with much of the same?
Again, everyone knows that closets don’t count when you’re cleaning your apartment and that basically you can throw whatever you want in them and still consider your space clean. Closets are basically giant trash cans slash storage units that you use to keep the rest of your space clean without having to do any real decluttering or reorganizing.
That being said, I still don’t know what you saw, because I’m a certified neat freak and compulsively keep every part of my apartment clean. You must be hallucinating or projecting or something. I bet your front hall closet is filled to the brim with debris. Which is understandable, but abhorrent to someone as clean as me.
Anyway, yeah, I really value keeping a clean apartment –– not just for my sake but for my cat’s sake, too. Speaking of my cat, I haven’t seen her in a minute–– oh my god! She’s in the closet! Out of my way, she’s probably trapped under everything I shoved in there!
Oh, you saw her run under my bed when you came in? Well, why were you looking under my bed? Everyone knows that under the bed doesn’t count either when you’re talking about the cleanliness of an apartment. Just in case you, like, saw what was under there.
