Fall Closet Clean-Out: What to Do with the Bones of those Neighborhood Cats

talentless cats

It’s time, girl—summer is over, and your closet is stuffed to the brim with out-of-season tanks, strappy sandals, and the corpses of all of those cats you lured to your yard to murder. You won’t have room for the latest fall and winter fashions without a good, old-fashioned fall cleanup! Here are some handy tips to help you figure out how to up-cycle all of those feline skeletons in your closet:


First thing’s first—clean them! Place those rotting kitty noggins in a tank of dermestid beetles (available from any reputable taxidermist). Give it a few patient days, and you’ll have clean, lovely bones. Try using the skulls to store statement rings or loose change.


Add to your game collection! Take a page from the ancient Greeks, who used the knucklebones of sheep to play dice games. Why not dust off Yahtzee and replace the die that you dared your cousin to swallow when you were seven? Use the little anklebones of those pesky felines and grind them down to cubes. Find some old nail polish, and use it to make the dots!


Decorate for a party! What could make a more perfect spooky Halloween garland over your door than “dem bones” of Tiger and Mittens? Your neighbors will never make the connection.



Make a Cake topper! A cat skull and a few rib bones would make a great decoration for coworker Sheila’s 40th birthday. Cat bones are perfect for that macabre “over the hill” theme. Plus, you know how much she loves cats!


Make tiny hangers! You barely need to do anything—just string together with fishing line and use the full cat skeletons as hangers for the American Girl doll clothing you’re saving for your future daughter.


Use them as a warning! Make examples of those caterwauling trespassers. Line up pikes with the severed heads of Fluffy, Jax, and Mr. Personals on the perimeter of your property. That’ll show them that peeing in your Zen garden is a no-no!


We’ve all got some skeletons in our closet, but that’s no excuse not to literally remove those cat skeletons from your closet. It’s time to trade in your cat-murdering cap for these fall tricks!