Here’s THE Perfect Summer Gym Routine, Had We Remembered A Sports Bra

Calling all workout warriors! Whether you’re looking to rev yourself out of a regimen rut or supercharge your summer sweat, this six-step routine will take your shape from drab to fab in no time, until you remember that you forgot a sports bra, again. Oops! You could have been doing THESE killer moves if you hadn’t forgotten your sports bra today:


Breast-Flopping Butt Kicks

First things first, warm up those glutes and hammies with a few rapid-fire kicks to get things moving. Or literally kick yourself for forgetting a sports bra. Ugh! Maybe you can make this work? Think through your options while still in the locker room rummaging through your bag, negotiating the logistics of a bra-less workout. Never mind, just go home.


Bosom-Destroying Jumping Jacks

A few HIIT sets of 50 seconds on, 10 seconds off will get your heart pumping. Unfortunately, there’s quite literally nothing more humiliating or physically uncomfortable than jumping up and down repeatedly without a sports bra on, so save this for next time. Vacate the gym and sit in a Starbucks with a People magazine and a mocha frap. Whatever. It’s a light frap, so you’re still healthy.



Jug-Killing Suicides

These are hard but worth the pain, until you imagine attempting to run across the group workout room with your underwire digging into your ribcage. Had you not forgotten a sports bra, you’d definitely be doing these, so unfortunately you’re just going to sit in an air-conditioned coffee shop “answering emails,” which is not exercise, you worthless human.


Tit-Bothering Burpees

You know the drill: Jump up, squat, kick your legs out behind you, bring them in, jump up, repeat—if you didnt forget your sports bra. Unfortunately, you did. We heard that repeated jumping up and down without a sports bra causes sagging. Yikes! Doesn’t that sound horrible? No exercise today! It’s honestly too bad, because we know you’d much rather be exercising than browsing the clearance rack at H&M.


Boob-Shoving Russian Twist

We admit you can probably do this move without a sports bra, as it only involves sitting and moving slightly from side to side, and sure we’re by now home and have space in your apartment that can accommodate light exercise, but honestly at this point you’re just going to watch a rerun of “Teen Mom” and have a lie down because it’s been a day, you know? The effort of walking back from the mall was pretty much a workout. Let’s be real.


Now pat yourself on the back, champion! With your workout out of the way, you have the rest of the day free to check off all the other items on your to-do list, like pack a gym bag for tomorrow. Oops! Looks like you don’t have any clean socks. Oh well!