When my boyfriend proposed to me, it was the best day of my life. I thought I’d be able to sit back, relax, and enjoy my future with my soulmate. It turns out I was very wrong, because we’ve been trapped in our engagement photoshoot for two weeks and we don’t know how to get out.
The real problem is, it’s starting to feel like no one has noticed. Don’t our friends and family see that there have been no sign of us, except pictures from our engagement photoshoot for two whole weeks being shared periodically on Facebook? Is that all you need to know that we still exist?
Meanwhile, the number of photos has hit triple digits. Doesn’t that tell you something about how long we’ve been here? There are literally hundreds of photos of us that are like, “Look, we’re in love” and then “Look, we’re in love at a slightly different angle!” This is not real life, okay? Please, someone get us off of these railroad tracks before a train comes!
I love my fiancé, but he’s been standing behind me with his arms draped over my shoulders while I crane my neck to look up at him for so long that I’ve honestly forgotten his name or how we fell in love in the first place. Also, where is our search party? Has anybody reported us missing yet?
When I said he would make me happy forever, I didn’t mean like this. If we don’t find our way out of this engagement photoshoot soon, I fear we may have to keep these smiles on our faces for the rest of our lives. And now we’re ever so slowly sinking into the muddy field we thought would be a romantic shot and I’m not sure we can pull ourselves out.
Our matching outfits have been so altered by the elements that they don’t even coordinate anymore! And my lip stain has completely seeped into my skin and the cowboy boots I thought would look cute with this dress are causing intense callouses, even though we haven’t moved except when the photographer asks us to change the pose a little bit.
Also, we ate a mouse yesterday.
And that’s another thing, our photographer told us she was going to get a wide shot. She climbed up into that tree over there and never came down. That was two days ago. Do you think a bear ate her? Bears climb faster than they run. Also, are these photos even coming out cute?
If this is the last anyone hears from us, I want them to know that we died in each other’s arms, which is beautiful and romantic. I mean, we would rather not die so please save us, but if we do die just make it sound nice. Love is hard!
