Hangover Cures You’ll Be Too Hung Over To Try

So you drank roughly 16 martinis last night and now you are devastatingly hung over. You could try some of these cures to help alleviate it a bit, but you probably won’t because, frankly, you’re way too hung over.


Eat a Greasy Breakfast.

Eating a good, greasy meal will help soak up that remaining alcohol swirling in your system. But getting a breakfast requires you to move out of your bed and since your hangover is so intense, you won’t be able to look at your phone long enough to even Postmate something. You should have said no thanks to that tequila shooter “on the house!”


Hair of the Dog

The last thing you want after consuming mass amounts of alcohol is more alcohol, but “hair of the dog,” i.e. drinking another beer or cocktail the next day, does actually work! Unfortunately, it does require you to leave your house and buy a little nip of something at the corner liquor store, and every time you stand, you barf. Oh well! Hair-of-the-dog is great but your bed and, “Is this the moment I will vomit?” is your only reality now.


Drink Water

One of the most obvious ways to curve a hangover is to get as much hydration in your body as possible. Remember: You’re hungover because you’re dehydrated. You know you’ll feel better if you chug a glass of water but there is absolutely no way in god’s hell that you will be able to turn on the faucet if you can’t even turn over your pillow to the cold side.


Take Ibuprofen

Ibuprofen would relieve that pounding headache but your stomach can’t even hold your own bile right now, let alone 800mg of a hangover cure. Nice try but you’re going to continue on with your massive hangover without any aid.


Go On a Hike.

When you’re hungover the best thing is some fresh air and to sweat out those margaritas! So put on your yoga pants and go on a little hike. Haha just kidding you’re definitely not going to go on a hike you sloppy bitch!



Use these cures and you’ll feel a little better after mixing gin with whiskey with vodka but remember that you’ll be way too hungover from doing that to even attempt any of the above. So think about these as you go back to sleep feeling like trash and pray to God that you’ll die before you can ever drink again.