A group of women in layered clothing were seen chugging Pinot noir at a local wine bar in Carlsbad, CA last Wednesday, despite the fact that all four women were on antibiotics. “They just kept swigging and yelling, ‘I’m on antibiotics!’ to one another,” observes Gil Fortney, the manager and sommelier on duty. “It was like a scene from Apocalypse Now, but with wine and women.”
The four women agreed via a group text Tuesday that they wouldn’t let their bladder infections get in the way of their monthly girls’ night at The Cork Shop. “I’m not gonna let a little infection keep me from gettin’ my party on!” barked Lisa, a personal assistant. “Those doctors always tell you not to drink alcohol on antibiotics, but I mean, I’m fine,” slurred Jordan.
The Cork Shop hosts a daily happy hour from 3:00—6:00 PM that the women frequent. “The one girl who screams about being in a ‘dry spell’ always rips up napkins all over my bar,” Fortney explains. The women are also notorious for taking up several extra chairs with their large purses, scarves, and snack totes.
“My wife and I were trying to enjoy a little quiet time without the kids,” says one unidentified patron. “But these women were so obnoxious; it made it difficult for us to connect,” explains the patron, who fears for his safety should the women challenge him to “say it to their faces.” “I felt unsafe,” his wife adds. “That was supposed to be our sex night, but after all the talk of burning sensations while peeing, it didn’t pan out.”
For a full two hours, the women tried to one-up each other by shouting their favorite home remedies for the urinary tract infections, including baking soda, apple cider vinegar and anal sex. One girl even went so far as to smuggle her own 100% pure cranberry juice into The Cork Shop.
Security camera footage shows the women taking turns feeling Rachel’s breast implants around 10:15 PM.
“I’m pretty sure I saw one of them slip the other girls some Vicodin at the end of the night. I wouldn’t think that mixes well with antibiotics either,” Fortney claims.
The quartet plans on returning next month, where they will rehash Maggie’s Diva Cup drama over four bottles of chilled rosé.
