Following a recent episode of panic over climate change, wealth disparity, and the future of the world at large, 29-year-old Rachel Daar has pulled herself out of her despair with a declaration of faith in the upcoming generation.
“It will all be okay. Gen Z will save us all,” says Daar, who has never heard of TikTok houses where people live together to do nothing but look hot and create online content. “Look at how good they are at effecting change!”
“Millennials are just a lost generation, we were ruined by the early 2000s. But Gen Z is different,” Daar adds, completely unaware of the existence of content farms where overwhelmingly white 19-year-olds live in LA McMansions and churn out 15-second videos of them doing little dances plus sponsored posts for energy drinks. “We finally have a well-adjusted generation.”
“God knows how they’ll do it, but I have faith,” Daar states, blissfully ignorant of the youths who are packed into unfurnished luxury rentals and pressured to constantly create high performing content lest they be kicked out. “They’re basically all born knowing how to code and shame politicians into action, and they’re going to save our planet and society from ruin.”
When asked if she’s putting too much pressure on teenagers to undo thousands of years of exploitation of the earth and its inhabitants, Daar was pretty sure she isn’t.
“Malala, Greta Thunberg, that Times kid of the year kid — I’m not really caught up on that, but it’s a thing,” Daar says. “They’re geniuses, seriously. My generation spent our youth reading Harry Potter and watching Nick at Nite, but this generation, well, I don’t even know what they do with their time. Science, I guess. It’s not for me to know!”
Sources confirm that Daar’s worldview would be radically altered from Googling “content house”, but she remains for now invested in her blind optimism.
“I really think they’re going to create a utopia into which I can one day retire,” Daar says. “And if not, I can always decide they’re actually a uniquely bad generation and blame them for everything like the boomers did before me. It really is as simple as that.”