How is California resident Linnea Joseph spending her #HotGirlSummer? The 32-year-old is coping with simultaneous feelings of wanting a chubby little baby so bad and also deep concern for present and future generations’ ability to survive climate disaster. So fun!
The threat of climate change has loomed over Joseph for her entire life, sometimes consuming all her waking thoughts and sometimes taking a back seat to a crush on a cute barista. However, experiencing the hottest summer on record, witnessing natural disasters first hand, and reading article after article asserting that we only have 11 years left to dramatically counteract irreversible damage has transformed her fleeting concern into near constant panic. Talk about fun in the sun!
But that’s not enough to occupy our girl! The summer of 2019 has also brought on a wave of baby craziness so intense that Joseph’s entire day can be rocked by the sight of a tiny bucket hat. Whether she’s browsing a Hanna Anderson catalog, laughing hysterically at anything her boss’s precocious 5-year-old says, or playing an uncomfortably extended game of peekaboo with a baby on the subway, having a child is literally all she can think about (aside from the imminent destruction of the ozone layer). Very chill!
Yes, you heard us! This #GirlBoss isn’t just thinking about the normal weighty considerations that come with having a child. In addition to wondering whether her boyfriend would be a good father, if she has enough saved to even consider having a child, and whether she still needs a few more years of therapy to avoid screwing her kid up, she now has to shoulder the moral weight of bringing life into a dying planet. Being a woman is a blast!
“I’ve always wanted kids and think I’d be a pretty good mother,” Joseph revealed in an interview. “But I’d essentially be giving birth to a drain on the earth’s few remaining resources. Also, there’s no way a child of mine will do well in a post-apocalyptic environment. I passed out once when I missed my afternoon snack.”
All this worry has caused her boyfriend to tease her for being “hormonal” and “insane,” which adds a whole new layer of adventure to this woman’s zany life.
Joseph is currently looking into the possibility of adoption, but her most likely course of action will be grabbing her nephew’s tiny wrinkly baby hand and never ever letting go. Yayyy!
