The ticking of your biological clock resembles that of a bomb about to go off—it’s nature’s way of adding a sense of urgency to reproduction. Even though you frequently find yourself staring and mumbling at strangers’ babies, there’s no reason you can’t be totally adorable while doing so!
Highlight your best features. Whenever you run up to a lady with a baby stroller to proclaim how desperately you want a baby, make sure you’re wearing lash-defining mascara. You want your eyes to pop as they rim with tears at the thought of one day holding an infant of your very own.
Fake it ‘til you make it. Remember how fun it was as a kid to stick a pillow under your shirt and yell, “Look, I’m pregnant!”? It still is! Grab that CB2 throw pillow and tuck it under your tunic for a faux-pregnancy glow that’ll make a guy want to give you a real one.
Craft your crazy. Girls who knit arm warmers or make jewelry out of found objects are super cute about veiling the fact that they’re actually certifiably insane. Use your baby-craving energy for fashioning your friends’ sonograms into beer cozies, or bedazzle a breast pump machine! No one knows how to say, “I’m worried about you” after saying, “Sooo cute!”
Since there’s nothing cuter than an actual baby, show a guy what he’s missing by talking like one. While it seems like it might be anything but attractive to mimic the speech patterns of someone who has no control over her bodily functions, baby talk has long been used as a way to show off how precious you are. Be sure to replace R’s and L’s with W’s and pucker your lower lip out into a charming pout. He’ll go gaga to hear you say, “I weawy want a wittle baby!”
You might feel like you need to get pregnant right-fucking-now, but so long as everyone thinks you’re completely darling, they won’t notice the screams coming from your empty, hollow womb.