People may be mystified by marriage, but it isn’t as complicated as you might think. Love is really about tricks, like getting a man to love you until he’s dead. So if you’re looking for a man to love you unconditionally until he’s buried dead in the ground, you’re going to have get a little sneaky! Try these stealthy little ideas to trick that man into loving you, ‘til he’s totally not alive anymore.
Wear One of Those Bikini Babe T-Shirts
Men seek perfection in women, and what’s more perfect than those shirts that have a two-dimensional cartoon body on it? You know the one—a regular old t-shirt with a cartoon of a hot, busty lady body printed on it so it looks like that’s your body. Wear that hot little number and he’ll be drawn to you like a moth to those sticky moth traps you keep in your cabinet. And if you wear it every day, he will stay every day until the final breath leaves his body.
Booby Traps
It’s not rocket science; try tricking your guy by showing him your boobies! For some men, that’s all it takes to keep them under your spell until their dying day. But if that doesn’t work, design an actual booby trap by cutting a him-shaped hole in the floor and covering it with a rug so he falls through. This classic trick will have him shaking…with love! If he’s constantly in peril, he will see you as his only hope of survival. Who doesn’t love that until they’re dead and gone?!
Hypnotism!
Men don’t like to play mind games, but they do sometimes like magic. Dangle some iPhone headphones in front of his face until he decides that his love for you is permanent and he will stay with you until his inevitable fate is met. He’ll love you until his dying day when he says, “Wait, I didn’t mean to love you, I was tricked!”
Love Him
Get him to love you good by showing him what love really looks like. The most certain way to trick your man and keep him around for life is to forge an unbreakable bond from which he cannot escape. Do that by loving him and accepting his love in return. Now you’re the queen of deception and the happy owner of a man who loves you!
Next time you find a man, any man, use your slippery little tricks to slide right into his heart. That is, until he is dead and no longer of use to you. Then your work is done!
