How to Harvest Your Dead Skin Cells and Build the Perfect Man

In our ever changing and complicated world, it has become more and more difficult to meet potential romantic partners. A single girl can no longer expect to meet someone in a natural, authentic way, and online dating has proven a playground of disappointments. Enter science and the magic of the human body: Your skin cells are constantly dying and being shed into the dust in your home. Instead of occasionally vacuuming, collect these dead skin cells to build yourself the perfect man!


Step One – Create a mold.

Using the hard plastic of your choice, create the hollow shape of your ideal man. Choose the height, body shape, penis size and facial features that appeal to you the most. Don’t limit yourself—your dead skin can be the future man of your dreams!


Step Two – Collect dead skin.

Over the course of several months, collect your shedding dead skin cells and pack them tightly into your man mold. Make sure to fill the mold completely so that there aren’t any missing chunks once the mold is removed. The last thing you want is a dead skin husband without a penis, LOL.



Step Three – Let the mold set

Once the mold is full, let it sit in the sun for six to eight weeks, turning occasionally to ensure that it bakes evenly. Use this time to shop for a wardrobe, sunglasses, and wig to add the finishing touches to your perfect man. Don’t forget to measure the mold so you know what size and cut will most flatter his body type!


Step Four – Open the mold.

The big day’s arrived! Once your dead skin cells have firmed, use a crowbar to remove the plastic mold and reveal your perfect man! Just be gentle, you don’t want to crack off one of your future beau’s fingers.


Now you have the perfect man for you! Just keep in mind that he shouldn’t be exposed to direct sunlight or extreme cold. You might get some weird looks, but don’t let that get in the way of enjoying what will no doubt be the greatest relationship you’ve ever had. Just know that you will have to do most of the talking (and that’s not necessarily a bad thing)!