Five Totally LEGITIMATE Reasons Not to Be Fat

The most important part of losing weight is to believe you’re doing it for the right reasons – and sometimes that requires knowing facts. Fortunately, there are enough science-based reasons for being unfat that you will never have to explain to your boyfriend why you always pour salt all over your meal to stop eating. The only thing worse than being judged for your size is being judged for your lack of integrity, so if you ever get backed into a corner, here are some legitimate reasons why you shouldn’t be fat:



  • LEGITIMATE REASON #1: Increased Risk of Diabetes and Heart Disease

  • If you are overweight, your risk of acquiring type 2 diabetes and heart disease is significantly higher, decreasing your life expectancy (Also if you’re fat, people will have to like you for your personality, but that’s not really the point here).



  • LEGITIMATE REASON #2: Increased Joint and Knee Pain

  • After years of added pressure on your joints, knee and hip replacements are more common if you are overweight – a LEGITIMATE thing that actually happens (And less importantly but sort of a cool bonus – If you do lose weight, you can finally have skinny people as friends).



  • LEGITIMATE REASON #3: More Prone to Depression

  • Recent studies have shown a TOTALLY REAL link between being overweight and depression, due to hormonal imbalances (And no wonder you’re sad – when you’re fat you have to wear Velcro sneakers EVERYWHERE, which will alienate you and your friends (if you have any)).



  • LEGITIMATE REASON #4: More Likely to Earn Less Money

  • Overweight women earn up to $19,000 less than their counterparts, and are less likely to be hired when up against thinner peers, a sad but TOTALLY LEGITIMATE fact (Also, your boss will be more likely to settle for hiring his wife over you).



  • LEGITIMATE REASON #5: Decreased Quality of Sleep

  • Sleep apnea is common among overweight women, causing an UNDENIABLE decrease in the quality of your sleep (Sleep apnea is less common in skinny people because they are too busy staying up all night having sex that you are not having).


    Whenever you need legitimate talking points or just some healthy inspiration, just remember all of these POSITIVE reasons why you’re staying slim (And that nobody wants to fuck you when you’re fat). Now get out there and show the world how beautiful you are on the inside!