‘Everyone Experiments in Their 20s!’ Says Mom Using Own Latent Bisexuality to Convince You You’re Not Gay

In a story developing out of your kitchen, your mom Lorraine Morris is trying to convince you your lesbianism is a stage by pointing to evidence of her own latent bisexuality.


“You don’t have to label yourself,” said Lorraine, though you comfortably identify as gay. “Women are just more complicated than men. My best friend in college, Edie, we were so close, you know? And we were always egging each other on.”


“I remember once we dared each other to both kiss a girl at this off campus, sort of grungy party we were going to,” Lorraine added, not fully realizing what she is saying. “And we both did, but then we got into this big fight about something, I can’t even remember. Anyway, look at me now! Everyone experiments when they’re young.”


While you tried to explain to your mother that you have been dating your girlfriend for two years and it is not an experiment, you couldn’t get much in as she continued to explain the intense, psychosexual relationship she had with her college friend Edie whom she has never once brought up before.


“We moved in together junior year,” your mom said. “And you know, we experimented when we were drunk or bored, or fed up with boys; we fell asleep in the same bed most nights anyway, we were always staying up talking. But that’s what it’s like when you’re young! Then I met your father.”


Though it was becoming increasingly clear that your mom was in a long-lived and complicated queer relationship and is certainly not straight, she continued trying to use this as evidence of your own heterosexuality.



“I have no issue with you playing the field, sweetie,” Lorraine said. “I think that’s great. And I think when you meet a nice man like Daddy you’ll feel ready to settle down.”


Sources suggest that you are unlikely to settle down with a man given that you are sexually and romantically attracted to women, but that even if you did, you wouldn’t be straight.


“So I guess my mom is bi,” you say. “I would say that queerness is something we could connect over, but hers is pretty deeply repressed. I don’t really want to connect with my mother over our sexualities anyway, but it would be chill if she recognized that mine was real.”


Experts predict that your mother will date women again after your dad dies, and won’t care that you’re gay at that point as long as you’ve given her grandchildren.