In a story emerging out of a company ice-breaker in Cincinnati, OH, it has become painfully obvious that 33-year-old marketing manager Geena Horvas still hasn’t found her go-to fun fact yet.
Other employees at the company told reporters that when it was Geena’s turn to share a “fun fact,” she just mumbled something about the number of siblings she has.
That’s not a fun fact, girl!
“I mean, maybe it would be interesting if she had 20 siblings or something,” said Geena’s coworker, May. “But she just has three sisters! There’s nothing ‘fun’ about that!”
Sources confirmed that 90% of the “fun facts” Geena has offered during company ice-breakers could be used to accurately identify her body if she ever got into a car accident.
“Things I know about Geena from past company ice-breakers: She’s 5’4”, has blue eyes, and is an organ donor,” said Geena’s boss, Marilyn. “ I feel like those should be in a different category of fact, no? Maybe something like, ‘Things listed on your driver’s license’ or ‘Things people could tell just by looking at you.’”
“She’s 33, for God’s sake!” May added. “Surely she has something interesting to say about herself by now?”
Think again!
Other fun facts offered up during this ice-breaker included “got pulled onstage at a Pearl Jam concert,” “hiked to Machu Picchu,” and “went to Boca Raton one time.”
“Yeah, the Boca Raton one was pretty boring too, but at least he mentioned that he watched people parasail there, even if he didn’t partake, himself,” May told reporters. “People were actually interested in that, unlike Geena saying that she has three sisters and one lives in Connecticut.”
Geena’s boss Marilyn was in complete agreement.
“Yeah, Geena completely brings down the vibe of the ice-breaker every time we do one,” she said. “If she’s not going to say something fun, she could at least say something weird! Like, did she have a twin that she absorbed in the womb? She should say that shit! Sure, her coworkers might be a little scared of her, but isn’t that ultimately a good thing? She should exert that twin-fueled power over Dave-who-went-to-Boca-Raton-once.”
This prompted a terrified Geena to schedule a meeting with Marilyn to ask her how she knew about the whole “absorbing her twin in the womb” thing, to which Marilyn cryptically responded, “Why do you think I hired you?”
At press time, Geena felt newly empowered to use her previously-concealed twin energy to make Boca Raton Dave do all her paperwork. However, when it came time for the next company ice-breaker, she panicked and said “I was born in Michigan.”
