How to Manifest the Energy of the Divine Feminine in the Frozen Foods Aisle

When it comes to experiencing bliss in this earthly realm, one must meditate on the concept of bounty. And there is simply no place that represents bounty quite like the modern suburban American grocery store.


The next time you find yourself at the grocery store, bring yourself into a deep meditation and imagine that you are a previous reincarnation of your own femininity, a cavewoman, transported through a rift in the space-time continu-womb to a supermarket of today. As you traipse through the aisles, as if guided by the Goddess Herself, you make your way to a strange new place—an ice age encased in glass cabinetry. This is the frozen foods aisle. And it is here that you lower yourself deliberately into your knees, and place your forehead to the cold tile floor. For you feel the wisdom of your Earth Mother speaking to you. This is where you will realize the truest, most pure version of your womanly Being. You are surrounded by the purest and most natural of preservatives: the cold.


The items in the Frozen Foods Aisle are permanent; the same way that Essence is permanent. When you eat them, what you are really consuming is permanence. Essence. Like an economy-sized bag of chicken nuggets, it is the divine spark that connects us all.



Consider ice cream. It comes from milk, like the kind that children suckle from the breast of their mother. Spiritual Milk, the kind provided by the Goddess, is made physically manifest in the comforting embrace of ice cream and other frozen dairy treats, like Skinny Cow Flying Saucers. It is nourishing, life-giving. Whether it is mint chip, caramel swirl, or 100 Calorie Brownie Bit Crunch, it holds the bounty of the harvest, when our earth mother lets us suckle at her teat. The intake of these ripe fruits connects us directly with the divine feminine. And rainbow sherbet.


Popular culture and the Hollywood-Advertising-Industrial complex has used subliminal messaging and paid advertising to co-opt the meaning of ice cream, attempting to brand it as a way to treat oneself when going through a breakup or other trying time. What they’ve lost from the frozen treat creation story, however, is that there are no breakups when you live in the Now. There is no past or future to worry about beyond this present snack moment. Everything we experience is constantly freezing and melting simultaneously, like a tub of ice cream taken in and out of the freezer.


The New Age faddists will tell you that the way to Peace is to eat what they call “real food”—food that is grown in the grown via organic practices, and then consumed fresh. They have this all wrong. Enlightenment is delivered in many forms. And if you hurry, you too can achieve it—Boxes of Nestle Drumsticks are 2 for $8.99 this week.