Although March 20 officially marked the first day of the spring equinox, Brooklyn resident Katie Hannon is still burning her wintery-smelling scented candles for some reason.
Yikes! This one’s not a great look.
Whereas the shift in seasons would’ve inspired anyone in their right mind to put all these oppressively comfy and cozy pine scents away until next year, Katie apparently just can’t help herself.
Most damning among her spring rotation are “Fraser Fir Pine Needles Dusted With Snow,” “Sitting Fireside With a Steaming Cup of Hot Chocolate,” and “Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, This is a Christmas Smell, Christmas.”
The few people who admit to siding with Katie deem these preferences a personal choice—but her neighbors disagree.
“Listen: life’s finally starting to look up. I’m trying to get in the right mindset for a hot girl summer,” says Laurie Vargas, who lives in 4B. “But I’m hesitant to break out my crop tops when I keep getting whiffs of, like, a small Vermont town from a Hallmark holiday movie.”
When confronted about her blatantly out-of-season line-up, Katie admitted that she is no stranger to the consequences of her actions.
“One year, I had people over for Easter brunch, and I was burning my ‘Gingerbread Cookies Baked Until Golden Brown’ candle. Sarah, my old college roommate, said she had to leave because the fragrance was giving her a headache and also messing with her comprehension of linear time.”
Following the Big Air Out, as that incident has since been named, her friends have tried to intervene.
“I’ve given her countless sticks of incense, expensive oil diffusers, and season-agnostic wax melts that are named after vague entities like ‘Home,’ and ‘Good Vibes,’” says longtime bestie Violet Lee. “But she just thanks me, shoves them under her bed, and lights up her winter candles again. Every time I leave her place, I smell like Santa’s actual taint.”
Despite the tension and the warm weather ahead, Katie plans to continue filling her apartment with aromas reminiscent of the reindeer displays they put up at the mall come December 1.
“I can’t help it that these Bath & Body Works jars have three wicks and take forever to burn down,” she shrugs.
To the chagrin of her loved ones, Katie Hannon has already marked her calendar for the mega-retailer’s next $10 candle sale.
