In a striking display of the deliberate impediment of congressional authority, House Democrats were forcibly barred from entering the Capitol Building earlier this morning by a “push” door that had been labeled “pull.”
“We arrived at the Capitol this morning to perform our duties as elected public officials,” one lawmaker told reporters gathered at the scene. “However, when several of us attempted to enter the building, we were denied entry by a ‘push’ door mistakenly labeled ‘pull.’”
Another lawmaker said it was a direct infringement upon their duties as lawmakers, adding that they did all they could to get inside the building.
“We kept pulling and pulling but it didn’t do any good,” the lawmaker told reporters. “The door wouldn’t budge.”
“It’s unconstitutional for working members of Congress to be barred from entering this building and performing their duties!” added another of the dozens of House Democrats now meekly queueing around the front door. “Someone needs to do something about this!”
This call to action fell on deaf ears, as the group of lawmakers continued to stand around, staring blankly into the distance.
“It’s crazy what this country has devolved into,” said another, who hadn’t even tried to open the door, having just taken other people’s word for it that it wouldn’t open. “Just a few weeks ago, I’d be able to walk into this building without issue. Now, I have to put my body on the line just to do my job.”
Reporters gathered at the scene noted that by “putting [his] body on the line,” this particular lawmaker apparently just meant standing at the back of a quiet group and playing online chess on his phone.
After several hours of frustrating idleness, a few of the lawmakers finally took action, pulling out their phones to record outraged videos for TikTok.
In one video, a furious lawmaker warned her constituents that she and other House Democrats were being “actively prevented from serving the interests of the people” over footage she took of a single, unremarkable door.
Another posted a video saying he was “scared for his life,” over footage of –– again –– a door.
Yet another posted a video where he described the situation as a “constitutional emergency” but took things a step further by including footage of himself clumsy fiddling with the handle of the door.
As of press time, the door opened of its own accord thanks to a particularly strong gust of wind. Unfortunately, all of the House Democrats had long given up attempting to enter the building and had instead returned to their homes to do, well, nothing.
