Despite the valiant effort on the anniversary Instagram post marking your late grandmother’s death, reports are it went entirely unnoticed by Nana yesterday, as she was far too busy fucking James Dean on a loveseat somewhere in Heaven to notice your post.
When asked had she seen the Instagram photo and caption dedication yet, Nana’s ghostly voice moaned, “Why no, no I have not. I was making sweet love to James Dean in the ether for hours. At least I think it was hours. Time isn’t really a construct here. Tell me child, what is Instagram?”
The social media app and tradition of celebrating the dead in a post was described to the deceased, who responded with further explicit details of her sexual relationship with James Dean, legendary Hollywood actor who died tragically in 1955.
“Sweetie, I don’t really keep track of the day I passed,” a soft breeze in the windowless room seemed to whisper. “But I did find out James Dean is bi-curious. Who knew!”
The annual date of a family member’s passing can be hard for most. But Nana’s presence assured reporters that she made the most of the anniversary, doing truly unspeakable things to James Dean, star of such films as Rebel Without A Cause – that one she always watched on Turner Classic Movies when she visited.
“Oh, Rebel Without A Cause was the very first film I saw,’” she added. “Even then, as a young little lady, I remember thinking ‘I’m going to fuck James Dean senseless some day.’ Did you know tickets used to cost only a nickel?”
Although the Instagram post at time of publishing had reached 493 likes, Nana only seemed interested in discussing a deeply intense post-humous sexual love affair with James Dean, famed star who died 60 years earlier in a horrific automobile accident.
The voice of the dearly departed continued on from somewhere nearby, “I’m sure the note was quite lovely, but Jimmy had just taken me to the floating drive-in and he was ready to drive my car, if you know what I mean.”
Asked what kind of movies one could possibly watch in the afterlife, a specter in the shape of Nana finally appeared and replied, “I don’t remember,” while winking and repeatedly thrusting a transparent forefinger in between her other forefinger and thumb.
