The clock is ticking to find that perfect Halloween costume that will showcase your cleverness, flatter your figure, and conceal your identity from that ex you’ll be spying on at the party on Saturday. Here’s this season’s hottest Halloween Masks to help you blend in with the night:
Grumpy Cat Mask – A Grumpy Cat mask is just what you need to look relevant and adorable while closely monitoring your ex’s Halloween activities. The party will love your charming representation of the topical meme, and your ex will never guess that the masked viral sensation hovering close behind him is actually you, the woman whose heart he shattered. Track his every move in comfort and style.
Baby Mask – What’s the only thing cuter than kittens? Babies, that’s what. Grab yourself an adult-sized baby mask and look delightfully discreet posted up in his neighbor’s azaleas, watching him like a hawk. You’ll look totally innocent while maintaining a bird’s eye view of your ex as he shamelessly flirts with Catwoman. There are too many ways to feel pain, but no one will see you feeling any of them!
Dumbledore Mask – Old people are cute, but old wizards are even cuter. Sporting this epic headmaster’s face will ensure you look perfectly lovable and wise while following your ex without his consent. This mask is so good that you’ll be able to conceal your identity and your tears when he leaves the party with Tina right in front of your masked fucking face. Seriously, what does Tina have that you don’t? She sells Avon, for Christ’s sake.
Scream Mask – Alright, perhaps it’s not the cutest mask of all time, but your ex already ruined fucking everything, so why not give him a good dose of hell when he sees this long-faced terror staring through his bedroom window when the clock strikes 12? Walk right up to him and whisper, “Do you like making other people’s lives look like scary movies?” Trick-or-treat, Jeremy, trick or fucking treat.
Just remember: By November 1, it won’t be okay to wear masks in public anymore, get all your self-destructive behavior out before the clock strikes midnight!