Cute Dildos That’ll Fit in Your Purse and Maybe Up Your Butt

You’re young, single, ambitious, super horny, and always on the go. Between out-of-town conferences and girls’ weekends, you may not always have time to spend on your sorely neglected libido. You need a petite self-pleasurer that can go anywhere you do. Here are some of our favorite sex toys that are compact enough to fit in your purse—and possibly up your butt!


For the evening clutch…The Lipstick Vibe

This vibrator made to look like a lipstick tube is deceptively innocent, just like the “chill” wine nights Rebecca keeps inviting you to. It’s small enough to fit in your black satin clutch alongside your ID, baggie of cocaine, and loose hundred-dollar bills. So just in case your night gets even crazier, you’ll be ready with a lil’ tube that can probably fit up your lil’ tube.


For the cross-body satchel…The Hammer Silicone Dildo

A good cross-body bag affords you great freedom and movement while keeping your necessities, like your favorite nine inches of jackhammer jelly, close. This hammerhead fits conveniently in your favorite hands-free shoulder bag and will really come in handy when you need to get down with your bad self in an airport bathroom (if it fits, which hopefully it will).


For the iconic designer tote…The 24-Karat Gold Olga

This lavish, extravagant toy that might work for butt stuff fits beautifully in your Hermès Birkin (which cost more than the dildo, but not by much!!). It even comes in a satin case with a crystal-encrusted packet of lube for all the times you’ve felt the urge shove something up your moneymaker at a charity benefit dinner. Who says you can’t put a price on pleasure?



For the straw beach bag…The Dick Rambone

This adorable fifteen-incher is a great addition to your beachside handbag. Dick Rambone is small enough to fit in a large, summery tote and girthy enough to give your sunburned butt a little treat. (It might be too girthy, though, so proceed with caution.) Hide this dildo underneath your favorite large-print Nora Roberts novel for an afternoon by the waves. Then, come nighttime, sit back and gaze at the stars while this big guy gazes into your moon.


For the reusable grocery bag…The Healthy Vibes Vibrator

This egg-shaped, vibrating dildo will nestle effortlessles next to your actual eggs, so toss it into your Whole Food tote and get shopping! Whether you’re busy hoarding free samples or wrestling an old lady for the last box of Special K, this bumping buzzer can (we think!) get between your buns in more ways than one.


For the basic backpack…The Hitachi Magic Wand

Go back to school with the timeless Hitachi Magic Wand. This perennial favorite in dildo technology is almost sure to conquer your final frontier with its numerous anal-play-safe attachments. Thankfully, it’s also sleek enough to pack alongside your lecture notes and pens. Maximize your maximus and put the ass in class with the Wand!


With all these dildos in all the right places, you can lead the ambitious life you’ve always dreamed of while still making time for butt-based self-pleasure.