In a highly embarrassing story out of Atlanta, GA, 28-year-old Mackenzie Danes has admitted to being unabashedly happy and at peace with herself.
Okay, cringe!
“I’ve just gotten to a point in my life where I’m able to appreciate myself for who I am,” Mackenzie told reporters. “I don’t want to be anyone but myself, and I have a good understanding of who I am at my core.”
Appreciating yourself for who you are? What are you, the queen?
“It’s just embarrassing,” one self-conscious bystander told reporters. “The way she exists in public as her true self. That could never be me.”
Another bystander agreed, saying, “If you’re not constantly straining to control how other people perceive you, then how could you ever be ‘happy’ or ‘at peace’? She could be doing something embarrassing like pursuing a niche hobby that others don’t enjoy or not constantly making herself smaller in public and not even know how humiliating other people think she is!”
Mackenzie told reporters that she doesn’t really care how others view her, as long as she’s being true to herself and doing good in the world.
“It took me a while to get here, but now that I have, I’m not going back to trying to control how others view me,” she told reporters. “I like myself and that’s all that matters.”
In short: yikes.
“But what if she danced and other people thought it was a bad dance?” one manic bystander asked reporters, their eyes filled with fear. “How does she not care about doing a bad dance?”
“I actually love to dance,” Mackenzie told reporters when they brought this question to her attention. She then struck an objectively bad move, but looked so goddamn happy while doing it that reporters couldn’t even judge her for it.
As of press time, Mackenzie still planned on being herself for the foreseeable future, with bystanders opting to shrivel up out of embarrassment on her behalf.
“If she’s not going to be ashamed of her mere existence, someone has to be!”
