In an off-hand comment to a friend Jill Chen confirmed that her coworker, Beth, is going to get “whatever she’s gonna fuckin’ get” for the office Secret Santa gift exchange this month.
Jill said she came to this conclusion within eight seconds of drawing Beth’s name out of the hat last Friday.
“You know what? 2017’s been a real motherfucker. I’m just gonna like, I don’t know, dig up an Amazon gift card I haven’t used yet and call it a fucking day,” Jill says. “She’s just gonna fucking deal with it.”
Jill and Beth don’t work together directly, but the 28-year-old accountant knows a few things about her HR rep. “She really loves…Boston Terriers? Or maybe it’s cats. “Dude, I don’t fucking know, I’ve been having an anxiety attack for a full calendar year. I’ll probably just get her a fucking candle.”
“Traditionally, the annual Price Financial Secret Santa exchange is viewed as an opportunity for coworkers to get to know one another a little better,” says Price Financial CEO Larry Harrison. “With Secret Santa, we get to learn more about each other, then give our peers a thoughtful gift that they’ll actually like. It’s a very special tradition for us.”
“If you seriously think I have the emotional bandwidth to forge an actual connection with this woman, you are fucking deranged,” Jill says. “You can write that down. I couldn’t give less of a fuck about this.”
“Listen, the U.S. is on the brink of nuclear war and the president keeps retweeting white supremacist memes,” says Jill, who has been at Price Financial for three years. “Hate to break it to you, but making Beth’s office holiday party feel special ain’t exactly at the top of my fucking list.”
While filling up her third cup of coffee of the morning, Jill mused aloud to what to get Beth for the party. Sources say she landed on, “Like a fucking quote-of-the-day calendar or some shit, fine,” before concluding that too much brainpower had already been spent on this issue.
“Why are you even fucking asking me about this?” Jill asked us.
Fair enough!
