Courtney Not Sure Which Cracked Phone Is Hers At This Party

Thirty minutes into to her friend’s party late Saturday night, 25-year-old Courtney Bernard realized she had no idea which cracked iPhone was hers.


The lead up to the tragic event unfolded after Bernard carelessly threw her phone onto a table near the door. Figuring another round of Amaretto Sours wouldn’t impair her already mediocre judgment, the consequences of Bernard’s actions didn’t settle in until it was time to leave the party.


“No, this is definitely my phone.” Said Bernard, picking up iPhone after iPhone. “Mine is the one with the crack down the middle… Wait, so is Sabrina’s…. And Katy’s, for that matter. Shit, this might not be my phone.”


Witnesses said Bernard’s lost confidence was apparent after she dropped three phones on the hard kitchen tile before claiming one as her own.


“If they weren’t broken before, they are now,” friend Ellen Lopez said. “It was actually pretty funny when she shattered them all. I’d show you a video of it, but shards of glass get lodged in my fingers whenever I scroll through my photos.”


According to Lopez, Bernard spent half an hour asking the party whose phone had the Shiba Inu wearing a hat as their background, to which an overwhelming number of people confirmed was theirs.


“What’s worse, every contact is saved under some indecipherable nickname.” Said Bernard, growing more frantic with every passing minute. “It could be my ‘Daddy’ texting me about the series finale of Big Little Lies or it could be Ellen’s ‘Daddy.’ There’s literally no way of knowing.”


Bernard reportedly entered crisis mode after realizing the effect this would have on her family.



“My dad just paid to have the screen fixed like, a month ago. If he figures out I took the wrong phone from this party on top of cracking my screen, he’s going to be super pissed.”


Bernard was last seen curled up in the fetal position lamenting her loss to friends. After the mix-up, the host of the party has received multiples texts reading, “who am I?!?!”