In inspiring news emerging from Phoenix, AZ, 26-year-old Harper Jennings is realizing that the heightened sense of anxiety she’s been feeling is due to the fact that she’s been in “fight or flight” mode for approximately four years.
Awesome! That must be super fun to experience!
“I wake up in the morning with my heart racing and go to sleep with my heart racing, too,” she told reporters at the scene. “I assumed it was normal until my friend and I saw a coyote – it left pretty fast, but my friend was like, ‘Damn! I immediately went into fight or flight! My adrenaline is pumping!’ and I noticed nothing had changed for me. Huh. Guess I’ve been in fight or flight for years now.”
Doctors confirm Harper had extremely elevated daily levels of epinephrine and norepinephrine, even though she claimed to be feeling “pretty normal” every time she was tested.
“Her levels of adrenaline are typically seen in patients who just survived a car accident or other serious bodily injury,” said Harper’s doctor Fernanda Gregario. “But when I asked Harper what she’d done earlier that day, she just said, ‘Dunno. Read the news? Hung out.’”
Sources confirm there were signs Harper has been in fight or flight for a while now, chief among them that she runs from place to place instead of walking, claiming it’s “just the easiest way to get around.”
Sure, girl!
As far as when her central nervous system kicked into fight or flight, Harper has her suspicions: “I started feeling funny about four years ago when I read a particularly alarming climate change report from the IPCC [Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change]. Since then, it’s been pretty consistent.”
Harper notes that this news is surprising, as she typically considers herself to be a chill person despite her excessive sweating, clammy hands, racing heart, elevated blood pressure, darting eyes, nervous nail-picking, and intermittent screaming.
“Who doesn’t have a bout of intermittent screaming every now and then?” she asked reporters, who each went around and confirmed they had never experienced this. “Okay, well, you guys are weird.”
As of press time, Harper had accepted that she would probably remain in fight or flight for the next several years, so she might as well enjoy the ride. She’s been sprinting ever since.
Happy for you, girl!
