Cool! Pocket Napkin Can Be Tissue, Toilet Paper, Whatever You Want it to Be

Opening up a world of uninhibited imagination and exploration, the crumpled napkin in your pocket, once an instrument of mere mouth and hand wiping, has been transformed into a tool of infinite possibility.


“When you unthinkingly grabbed this fast-food restaurant napkin, you had no idea you were taking part in an act of creation,” says an expert, Dr. Silvia Ramos. “To leave an unused napkin in your pocket is to create an item that exists in a state of pure potential.”


“This is an archetypical case of rebirth, right?” explains Dr. Ramos. “When that crumpled, neglected, forgotten napkin finds its way out of your pocket, it will have nothing to lose and everything to gain.”


Historically speaking, pocket napkins have fulfilled roles ranging from rough tissue, to desperate-situation toilet paper, all the way to wobbly table neutralizer and even unsuccessful oven mitt.



“Of course, what is a pocket napkin if not a projection of its user’s psyche?” says Dr. Ramos. “That McDonald’s serviette is whatever you need it to be. How will you imbue this object with meaning? That’s the real question.”


You’re excited at the prospect of giving the napkin new life, but a little overwhelmed.


“I’m frightened of what I might learn about myself,” you say. “Instead of seeking out an opportunity to use this crumpled and already slightly soiled napkin, I’m hoping the perfect moment will find me. Perhaps to spit out some gum?”


“It could be literally anything,” you add. “Well, anything napkin related.”


At press time, it was announced your roommate borrowed your jacket, felt the napkin in the pocket, said “ew”, and threw it in the trash.