In a story out of Springfield Elementary School in Des Moines, IA, 9-year-old Max Hannagan, who was suspended for verbally harassing his fellow third graders, has now claimed he was just “pushing boundaries” with his comedy.
“Did I caw Jimmy a loser? Yes,” Max told reporters while rocking back and forth on the swings. “But that kind of boundary-pushing is just what you have to do when you’re a comedian. You can’t be afraid of saying the wrong thing or offending somebody if you’re going to make truly great art.”
By “truly great art,” it appears Max is referring to the time he called Cindy Green in the second grade class a “sissy nobody” and Paloma Haggar in the first grade class a “cunt.”
“We do not condone this kind of language or harassment at Springfield Elementary,” said Principal Keri Edwards. “But when it comes to Max’s ‘comedy,’ it has been really hard to make any bullying charges stick. He just keeps saying he’s ‘workshopping new bits’ and ‘finding his voice.’”
“My son would never intentionally bully another student, especially a younger one,” Max’s mother, Janine Hannagan added. “Now, when it comes to his comedic chops, he’s always honing those skills. I say if the other kids don’t want to get outperformed – verbally – well, they’re just going to have to be as undeniable as he is. It’s not our fault their parents aren’t encouraging them to push boundaries with their comedy.”
While some students argue Max is “punching down” with his jokes, he alleges he is actually “speaking truth to power.”
“I call it how it is, even though a lot of these kids are heavy hitters in the community or have brothers and sisters who are actually a lot older than me,” he continued. “Like, Cindy Green? She practically runs this place. So ‘bullying her’ or whatever is actually punching up at the people who shape this institution.”
“This is what I do,” he finished. “I make jokes. I push boundaries. I say the things no one else is willing to say.”
The things “no one else is willing to say” include the r-word, d-word, and f-word.
As of press time, Max had been permitted to return to school and had gained a sizable following among the “boys rule, girls drool,” crowd, whose numbers are rising every day.
