Broken Woman Can’t Even Get Excited About Trump’s COVID

In a saddening story out of Burlington, VT, broken woman Lucy Kaminski has not even been able to feel joy or excitement over President Donald Trump having COVID.


“Don’t get me wrong, on a scale from glad to not glad, I’m definitely glad he has COVID,” says Kaminski. “But I don’t think I’m capable of feeling any positive emotion about anything regarding this administration without feeling like the rug’s about to be pulled out from under me.”


A past series of crushed dreams, Kaminski reports, has left her unable to enjoy small hopeful moments.


“It’s embarrassing to admit, but at one point I thought being impeached might have some sort of negative effect on the president,” says Kaminski. “When everyone in his inner circle was facing criminal charges, I thought that might mean consequences for him, too, and I was wrong both times.”


“I actually think he might be immune to ever facing consequences for anything,” Kaminski adds. “So, I’m struggling to feel hopeful about him dying from an illness with a mortality rate closely linked to access to quality care. In fact, I’ll probably wait to feel excited about anything having to do with him until he is 100% confirmed dead, which, given how things are going will be sometime in the second decade of his totalitarian regime.”


But regardless of her own feelings, Kaminski passes no judgment toward those managing to squeeze a drop of happiness out of the whole ordeal.



“I see all these people who seem to be genuinely overjoyed by Trump having COVID, and not at all focused on how he will probably survive and use his experience to downplay its severity,” she says. “And when I see that I feel really, really jealous.”


All the same, Kaminski remains convinced that Trump’s COVID will not do anything to tangibly improve the lives of absolutely anyone.


“But then again,” Kaminski adds, “Maybe I’m just depressed.”