BREAKING: My Cat Is Being So Cute Right Now!

In a shocking turn of events that is rattling the nation, sources confirm my cat Matilda is currently doing that thing where she puts her paw on her nose while she sleeps and it’s the cutest thing I have ever seen. While there is some controversy over whether this is extremely cute or just sort of how cats are, mainly from people that clearly haven’t seen what Matilda is doing right now, those who are close to the story know my cat is seriously so fucking cute.


Despite the fact that many are still processing this news, others are looking to act immediately as to not miss this critical window of Matilda cuteness forever. Thousands of people (mainly my roommate) are flocking to my apartment to witness this historic cuteness in person, however those who can’t make it are encouraged to tune into my Instagram Live or to request a picture via text or email. The most important thing is that you do something, anything at all. It’s for your own good and you will not regret it.


While the country remains in peril, reports have shown that Matilda just let out a little kitty sigh and twitched her whiskers and I am literally going to cry actual tears right now. Oh my god, she is the most precious thing.



Experts on both sides of the aisle agree that you need to get here and see this right now, but ultimately if you don’t this cat never stops being the light of my life and entertaining beyond belief so you can really tune in anytime.


After a brief break to sniff a plant and knock over a full glass of water for no reason, my perfect sweetie has returned to the couch where she is lying on her back with her paws in the air. Matilda is not taking questions at this time.