Beth is Workshopping a Really Cute New Sneeze

According to reports, local resident Beth Swindon is in the process of workshopping an adorable new sneeze.


Swindon, who has a long history of sneezing, first had the idea for a new sneeze when she started dating a new guy last month.


“I was feeling flirty, and thought it was about time I had a sneeze that reflected that,” she says. “So that’s when the creative process really began for me.”


Swindon’s process, though it remains confidential, includes trial sneezes in “safe spaces” where she feels free to experiment with new high-pitched tones and squeaks.


“At work, I’d hear Beth making weird noises in her cubicle that just got cuter and cuter,” coworker Divya Prakash says. “That’s when I knew she was approaching some of her best work yet.”


Swindon says the process is “exciting” and that “everything is data.”



“The sneeze has to be cute and dainty, but realistic,” Swindon explains. “Everyone who hears me sneeze needs to say, ‘OMG Beth! You have a such a cute little sneeze!’”


Not everyone is confident that the new sneeze will change Swindon’s life.


“I’ll admit that Beth had a much less cute sneeze before, but her range was always so impressive,” sister Anne Swindon says. “With enough hard work, I think she has the potential to make this one of her greatest sneezes yet.”


Swindon says she has a few more trial runs with her new, adorable sneeze before debuting it in public.


“No matter what, it’s about process over product,” Swindon says. “But with things like this, if you put the work in, it will show up in the result. Chew-hoo!”