Aww! Friend Wants You To Be Assertive But Only When It Benefits Her  

Is there anything more powerful than female friendship? Your friend, 27-year-old Mara Liotta thinks so: Mara has made a compelling case for you to be more assertive, but only when that assertiveness directly benefits her.





Liotta, your friend and coworker, harped on your inability to ask your mutual boss for the week of Thanksgiving off. Her argument is compelling: You are a hard-working, boss-ass bitch who should feel empowered to ask for, no, DEMAND, what you deserve. Besides, you never ask for anything, so why not use that established goodwill so she can spend a few extra days in the Berkshires with her boyfriend? You go, girl!


On the other hand, you don’t really care about getting the entire week off. It seems kind of excessive, and you’re not even going out of town this year. But Liotta bravely asked you to be brave so that she doesn’t have to. Isn’t that adorable!


“Because you’ll never get what you want if you don’t ask,” explains Liotta, wearily. “It just hurts my heart to hear that you’re afraid to ask for this tiny little thing. Women don’t ask, and that, right there, is the problem.”


Go off, sister!


It’s not the first time your assertiveness has been called into question: There was the time your boyfriend gave you a long lecture about standing up to your parents when he wanted in on the family trip to Maui; the time your boss lectured you about confidence when you wouldn’t call his ex-wife and tell her he’d be home late; and the dozens of times that your Mom has made it clear that you have to learn to say no, but not to her, ever.


So now you’re stuck at your desk wondering whether it’s more assertive to ask, no, DEMAND for time off or to tell your friend that you’re not going to ask for favors on her behalf. Regardless, you’re not getting any work done because you’re too busy stressing about a problem you don’t even care about. Again, female friendship is beautiful.



Finally, you explain that you don’t really care either way, so you’re not going to ask for something you don’t even think is reasonable. Yasss queen?


“Your life is going to be so difficult if you never learn to stand up for yourself,” Liotta says, shaking her head sadly. “To quote the Dalai Lama, ‘well-behaved women seldom make history.’”