In a shocking twist for all her fans – Ariana Grande, 24-year-old pop star, has totally revamped her image to become a luxury handbag.
“I loved being a pop star and I want to thank my fans and everyone who supported me. Seriously, I love you guys,” said Grande, who is now hanging in a closet. “But it’s time for me to take a break and try my hand at something new.”
Fans of Grande have responded to the announcement differently, some with confusion but most with overwhelming support, a testament to their loyalty and devotion.
“If Ariana wants to be a handbag, then I fully support her,” says fan Elise Butler, from Bellevue, WA. “In Ariana’s song ‘Break Free’, she says, ‘This is the part when I break free’. I guess that’s what she’s doing now – breaking free from her human body and becoming a teeny leather satchel that I would totally own if it weren’t actually Ariana Grande.”
This isn’t the first time a pop star has reinvented herself like this. Many fans were both please and afraid when Lorde’s newest album cover suggested the singer is currently stuck in a painting.
“She may not be able to sing anymore,” said Grande’s manager, Scooter Braun. “But one thing’s for sure: She is still so, so cute.”
“To be quite honest, I feel very bummed,” says Mac Miller, Grande’s boyfriend of four years. “I loved her voice and she was really the greatest partner I’ve ever had. Now she can’t speak or sing. She’s still the most beautiful person – I mean, purse – in the world. But… I dunno. It’s definitely gonna take some getting used to.”
Recently leaked photos of Grande confirm she is a petite, tan crossbody satchel now, and in place of a tassel is a very long human hair ponytail.