Have you ever felt like your boyfriend lacks the quick response to complaints that you enjoy from your favorite brands on Twitter? If your boyfriend lacks the rapid response of a large company with a strong online presence, here’s a quick list of companies with social media managers who are always willing to lend an ear. Garrett may not respond to your texts any faster, but at least you’ll feel heard!
When you text Garrett, “Where do you want to eat for our anniversary dinner?” and he responds 12 hours later with, “I dunno it’s your birthday,” take solace in the incredibly responsive Twitter account of @tacobell. When you ask them what you should eat for your anniversary, you’ll be entranced by sassy dancing taco GIFs, heartfelt #hotsaucehashtags, and post-coital cinnamon twists can fill the gaping hole in your heart left by your boyfriend’s inability to recognize relationship milestones.
West Elm (@westelm)
So you’ve taken the next step and moved in together, but SOMEONE is too busy playing Red Dead Redemption to help pick out suitable throw pillows for the loveseat. Have no fear, West Elm’s Facebook team is here! And they’re “sorry to hear you’re frustrated” and the “support team will be in touch soon.” Which is more than you can say for Garrett, who will be playing with his Red Dead Revolver on the Retro Tillary® sofa alone for the foreseeable future.
Oikos Greek Yogurt (@oikos)
When it feels like weeks (10 days “BUT WHO’S COUNTING?”) since you’ve seen each other naked, fuel your pleasure with @oikos Greek Yogurt. Quick to respond with a healthy recipe or coupon code, this brand is here to remind you that communication is a key part of a balanced relationship, even if Garrett would rather “go to sleep”.
Sleepy’s, The Only Mattress Professionals (@sleepys)
When he insists on ordering the beer tower then proceeds to pass out in his clothes across the entire bed after trivia night, there’s only one place to turn – Sleepy’s. It might be too late for Garrett to consider any of their #snoozeclues but they’ve got a lightening quick answer for the best way to move 195 lbs of dead weight to the other side of the Tempur-pedic Supreme Breeze mattress. Plus, when @sleepys wishes you goodnight, they actually mean it!!
Well’s Fargo (@wellsfargo)
How many years should a couple live together before getting engaged? No, Garrett, this isn’t a rhetorical question. Fortunately you can just ask @wellfargo’s twitter manager, Franc. Yes, he frequently pressures you to open a savings account, but at least he seems interested in a joint future TOGETHER. Take comfort in his warm 140-character embrace and 0% APR for the first 18 months!
Verizon Wireless (@verizon)
Garrett’s obsession with Pokemon Go has pushed you over your shared data limit again this month, which gives you a very legitimate reason to chat with the customer service representative. Unlike Garrett, they’re available for 24-hour tech support right on the website! Not only does this nameless faceless tech guy ask you questions, he waits for you to answer without interrupting! Do you want to double your data plan? Sure, why not! Add international calling? Yea, okay. Meet for coffee to really dig into why this engagement is doomed to fail? Oh, he’s already got a date tomorrow in the Punjab province. Still, that conversation was absolutely worth the $55/month service upgrade.
Hopefully these brands will give you the attention that Garrett is either unwilling or unable to give! Worst-case scenario, you can always log back into your AIM account and see if SmarterChild is online and available to chat.