You buy almost everything on Amazon, except maybe shoes and clothing where it’s hard to guarantee fit and probably not worth the hassle of shipping back. But you’d be surprised at some of the cool shoe finds on the site! Here are our favorite shoes for you to obsess over for five minutes and then completely disregard.
1. Journee Collection Womens Round Toe Platform Pumps ($26.79)
Business casual in the back, toe cleavage in the front: These are the sexy mullet of pumps! No doubt about it, they’re the perfect shoes to plan a dozen work outfits around only to finally look deeply within yourself and acknowledge you won’t live up to the pressure of keeping up a pedicure to make these wearable.
2. Chooka Women’s Classic Dot Purple Boot ($58.50)
The only way to liven up a rainy fall is with these adorable polka dot boots that’ll make you look like you jumped out of a Wes Anderson movie and right into that puddle. Yes, you need these boots to brighten up the season—but you also need to order that top-of-the-line electric toothbrush, and you only have the money for one $60 item right now. Oh well, maybe later!
3. VISCATA Satuna Closed Toe Wedge Espadrilles ($69.99)
Nothing says, “I’ll conquer all dark energies to turn every day into a summer day,” like these gorgeous and colorful stacked espadrilles. Don’t let the bright colors and ropey platform fool you—these will look just as good sitting in your shopping cart in November as they did in May.
4. Wild Rose Burgundy Stiletto Platform Bootie ($38.90)
Whoa. Whoa. The color of a Bond girl’s lipstick and a heel the size of a skyscraper. These will 100% be the sexiest shoes you own! And that’s… just terrifying. You still haven’t figured out how to pull off a midi skirt/crop top combo, and now you’re trying out these bad boys? Honey no. You are not ready for all that sex! Some shoes are just too sexy for you, like these ones right here. Anyway, you’ve got a KIND bar subscription you have to pay for.
5. Jack Rogers Leopard Print Flats ($79.99)
With a mix of leopard print and a peek of lady skin, these saucy little flats will keep everyone guessing about the wildcat inside of you. But the more you look, the more you’ll start to second-guess. Can you pull these off? Do they go with anything you own? And like, do you really know if they fit? Ultimately, the identity crisis just won’t be worth it.
6. CHIARA FERRAGNI Flirting Glitter Loafers ($295)
The striking eyes on these loafers will wink up at you all day long. Finally, someone to keep an eye on you while you pee! The dazzling sparkles will brighten up even the drab colors of your shopping cart screen, until you just can’t handle drawing this much attention and hastily delete the purchase.
7. Madden Girl Women’s Wicker Boot ($55.99)
Comfy and perfectly neutral, these boots are wonderful to carry you through fall. You were actually going to buy these but alas, you accidentally googled “full frontal Harvey Keitel” and immediately cleared your entire web history, throwing these cute, practical shoes back into the endless abyss of the web. Fare thee well, practical black booties. Fare thee well.
Now is the time to go for it and really take some risks with your fruitless shopping sessions. When you’re not actually going to ever make the purchase, you have nothing to lose!
