Winter may be notoriously cold and dreary, but it doesn’t have to be a total drag! This is the perfect time of year for practicing your dick-drawing skills on all the cold, fogged-up windows you can find. Whether you decide to express yourself on taxi windows, storefronts, or even that glass door that separates your boss from the rest of the office, dick “pics” are a great creative project to distract you until the warmer weather returns. Here are some choice dicks to rub onto those fogged up windows this season.
The Classic Dick
Everyone knows this vintage dick! Use your pointer finger to smudge this classic, scribbly mess onto your car window, just like the ones you used to draw on your friends’ faces in college. Classic!
The Chode Dick
The Chode is much like the Classic Dick, except you want to make the shaft shorter and wider, for extra lols. If this dick pic on your window can easily be mistaken for Mickey Mouse, you’ve done it right! Haha!
The Veiny Dick
This dick is a little bit trickier. The intricate details of the veins might be a challenge, but it’s one you should be able to tackle by this point! Use your pinky finger to lightly outline those sexy, protruding vessels all along the shaft. Draw this one on the outside windows of an IHOP to show passersby that you know what an erect penis (sometimes) looks like!
The Micropenis Dick
Much like the Chode Dick, the dick-to-balls ratio on the Micropenis Dick is heavily in favor of balls. To really make it clear that you’re drawing a micropenis, try using visual context cues, like writing “Awww!” underneath.
The Anatomically Correct Dick
If you would like to take your time and really commit to your window art, then the anatomically correct dick is a true masterpiece! You may want to use your pinky finger for this one so that you are able to really focus on the details, like the way the tip of the head dips at the urethra or the subtle way the balls hang oh-so-eloquently at the base. What are you, a doctor or something? That looks just like a real penis!
The Uncircumcised Dick
For this dick, draw the classic dick with a slightly more bulbous head. If it’s still not clearly an uncircumcised penis, that’s alright! Just draw it wearing a hat. Dicks are so cute in hats!
The STD Dick
Look, it’s got polka dots!
Foggy windows are nothing more than a canvas for your art, and there is no art better than dicks. If you spend your winter drawing these penis doodles, the next thing you know, it’ll be summer again and you’ll be back to drawing dicks in the sand. A girl can dream!