Whether you’re a raw food junkie, an exercise junkie, or an actual junkie, here are six SHOCKING ways your lifestyle may be killing you, regardless of what it is:
1. Breathing – Breathing seems like something that would be great for you. But whether you’re inhaling pure mountain air, car exhaust, or smoke from a crack pipe, every breath you take is one breath closer to the grave. Literally every breath you’re taking is killing you. So is holding your breath, so don’t do that, either.
2. Water – There are a million options out there for water drinkers these days, but whether you reach for the Smart Water, or prefer your water in the form of vodka – the clear stuff is going to kill you. Many have speculated that there is fecal matter in literally everything we drink, so before you lift that bottle to your lips, just remember there is poop in that.
3. Shelter – Home is where the heart is, but unfortunately it could also be where your heart stops. According to ancient religious documents, all man-made structures will eventually collapse in on themselves as the earth asserts her dominance over our childish hubris by swallowing up all that we have put forth. So before you lay out the welcome mat, just remember that your happy home could become your unhappy tomb.
4. Sleep – Careful with that snooze button! According to the World Health Organization, 96% of all demonic possessions occur while the victims are sleeping peacefully in their beds. So before you lay yourself down to sleep, remember to pray to the Lord your soul to keep (praying probably won’t help though).
5. Food – Gluten-free? Sugar-free? Dairy-free? More like life-free. According to a new study by the FDA, there is poison in everything. Whether you buy organic, eat raw, or shove your face full of Nutter Butters and Pringles, literally everything you put in your body is 100% made of poison, except for kale. Think twice before you try to eat something, and just remember, it will kill you.
6. Exercise – New research from Columbia University suggests that moving your body at all – to scratch your nose, or pick up the remote – could kill you. According to the study, your arm is connected to your shoulder by the same tiny thread that connects your life to this world, and even the slightest movement of your limbs could accidentally sever that thread, sending you tumbling into the unknown for all eternity.
If you want to live to see your family another day, avoiding these high-risk lifestyles and all other lifestyles. It could save your life.
