As much as we love to hate on Eat, Pray, Love, every girl should have that special experience on traveling alone. More specifically, every girl should travel alone ASAP, for an extended period of time, so I can finally have zero competition for dick. Ladies, you need to get out of town to learn about yourselves instead of having sex with guys who, if given literally no other choice, might fuck me! Here are some exhilarating places you absolutely need to explore so I can go on an unrestricted, truly barbaric fuck spree.
Haiphong, Vietnam
Affordable, friendly, and rich with architecture and culture, Haiphong is an ideal place to go soul-searching while I throw myself at literally every man I see. Du Hang Pagoda is a must-see; much like, I’ve heard, Liam from accounting’s cock. And with his girlfriend and every other woman away on solo trips, I think I’ll actually have a shot at that dick.
Dubrovnik, Croatia
Croatia has a remarkably low crime rate, making it a great place to travel alone.
While you’re off in Dubrovnik not getting robbed, I’ll have the boys saying, “Well, I guess so, since every girl I know weirdly seems to be in Dubrovnik.” Enjoy everything this medieval oceanfront city has to offer while I’m back home swimming in D, thrilled by how easy sex is when I’m the only option straight men have for sex.
Taipei, Taiwan
If you’re itching for city travel, Taipei is the right place! With jaw-dropping night markets, unreal food and fashion, and easily accessible hiking, it’s the perfect solo vacation spot. You’ll be too busy getting marveling at the richness of Taiwanese culture to remember that I’m back here in the USA getting banged out 24/7 while you’re busy finding yourself. Hope it’s fun!
San Ignacio, Belize
Tucked right in between Mexico and Guatemala, Belize is rich in Mayan ruins and absolutely stunning beaches. San Ignacio, a quiet beach town, is the perfect place to unwind. In fact, I think I’m going to book a trip to Belize once everyone’s back and my fuck bonanza is over, considering I’ll likely have to be on pelvic rest. But until then, have fun exploring the Cahal Pech Maya Site while I’m back home tending to my fuckbroken body.
Grand Canyon
You don’t even have to leave the United States to get the fuck away from all these guys I’m trying to bone! As long as you’re almost entirely isolated in a national park, that’s fine. The Grand Canyon is one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the world for a good reason. I will discover the Eighth Wonder while you’re gone! (Spoiler alert: it’s millions of dicks.)
Be kind to yourself and take a trip that’ll enrich your soul. Meanwhile, I’ll be back here, just rubbing my body all over these lonely, desperate men. Travel really does make the world a more beautiful place!
