Your body isn’t perfect, but it’s yours and it works pretty well. But your friends may not feel as good about their bodies as you do, and you don’t want to act like you like yourself too much. Here’s how to survive a confident beach day without seeming like a jerk.
1. Express guilt over eating food.
Let’s say you’re at the food court and all your gal pals order salads, but you think a burger sounds good. Go for it, girl! Just make sure you follow up your order with, “Oh gosh, I can’t believe I’m doing this. In my defense, I only had a salad yesterday and I didn’t eat breakfast.” Really sell it by making a sad face every time you eat a french fry.
2. Order something healthy and say you’re “being good” today.
All your friends order burgers and you’re really just feeling a quinoa bowl with some veggies (because you ate a whole pizza last night and you’re still kind of full). As the chorus of “Oh, you’re so good! I’m such a pig!” starts, just tell them, “I pigged out big time last night, so this is my penance.” Make sure to tell them how much you regret that pizza, even though you don’t.
3. Reject compliments.
“You look so cute in that swimsuit!” says your friend Amy, as her eyes burn with envy. You were thinking the same thing when you got dressed this morning. But you can’t just say that after Cheryl spent 20 minutes complaining about how she has to put concealer on her stretch marks. Just reply, “Come on, with THESE thighs?” and you can all sigh together.
4. Buy your clothes a size too small and complain about how they don’t fit.
After listening to the fifth round of, “I couldn’t zip my dress/my pants barely button/my head is too fat for this hat,” it’s starting to become obvious that you’re not contributing enough to this conversation. It’s okay! You wear a size 8? Buy a 6. Now you can say, “My thighs are just popping out of these shorts!” and you won’t be lying.
5. Look into the distance wistfully and say the words, “bikini body.”
They’ll assume you mean that you wish you had one. But, duh, you already do. You’re wearing a bikini. It’s okay; they never have to know.
