Sex is a chore you perform for his pleasure, but if you pleasure him well enough, he may feel the need to reciprocate. It might feel great, but don’t you dare try to enjoy it openly. Here’s how to keep icy cool when his mouth makes its way south:
1. No eye contact
Keep your eyes glued to the ceiling. If you can’t see him, he can’t see you and your lightly flushed face.
2. Don’t open your mouth
What are you, a porn star? If you must make any noise, a quiet but crisp, “Mmm…” will suffice.
3. Keep your clothes on.
The last thing you want him to see is your writhing, naked body crudely splayed on the bed. So keep as many clothes on as possible.
4. Leave the TV on.
If you get a little too excited, you can just pretend you’re laughing at something hilarious that Letterman said.
5. Pretend you’re in a Orwellian prison camp.
It may help to imagine a dystopian future where you’ll be accountable to the state if your face registers any sort of emotion.
The next time your guy tries to please you, remember that a lady is never pleased. Grit those teeth and endure. Grandma would be proud.
