Are you having trouble ending a protracted, codependent relationship? It’s not always easy, but it’s best to cut the cord if you’re unhappy – even though you’re not really sure what happiness is? Like, maybe this is what happy feels like and you’re just being weird about it? Anyway, here are five helpful methods for ending the unhealthy cycle of codependence, if that’s cool, because I really don’t want to upset you, but like, I’m cool either way:
Ask Him What His Ideal Breakup Would Look Like and Try to Accommodate
After cooking him your mutually favorite dinner, sit him down and ask him, abstractly, what his ideal breakup would look like. If he asks, “Well, what do you think, Plumpkin?” (That’s what you call each other ever since you both gained 20 pounds over the winter), remember to keep the focus on him. He is an independent agent in this relationship! One that you can’t seem to imagine a life or sense of self without, so maybe shelf this one until later? Whatever he says, try to make it come true. Even if he says nothing. Even better! Do nothing.
Separate Your Matching Clothes from His Matching Clothes
The first thing you’ll want to do is to identify the parts of your lives that have effortlessly fused together, like your clothing. Remember all of those matching outfits you bought from the unisex section of American Apparel? Take control of your identity and put your clothing in a separate drawer. You two are not the same person, so let him know it! Very nicely, because you know he needs you and you don’t want to hurt him.
Stop paying one of his student loans.
This will send him a serious message that you might be serious about seriously ending this cycle of dependency. If you stop paying his Perkins loan, you might stop paying his Sallie Mae loans, and then who knows? You might be able to cease cooking dinner, doing laundry, and constantly vying for his approval. You know what? This is all sounding like kind of a lot right now. Let’s just forget it, if that’s okay with you.
Ask him if it’s cool if you leave the apartment for a few weeks just to like, hang out?
We know it seems super weird, but just pack a bag and maybe couch surf for awhile, just to maybe feel things out and see what it’s like to venture out on your own? Just please text back, Plumpkin, you can’t just disappear like this, you are oxygen.
Ignore him.
Hahahaha. Just kidding! Wasn’t that a funny joke? It was a joke, Plumpkin. Let’s just make dinner and watch Sherlock okay??
