When you’re looking for something to do on the airplane, you might be tempted to kick back and put on the old tried-and-true Frozen 2 with subtitles. Well, not so fast—everyone knows you can’t do anything on the plane without the person in the aisle behind you sneaking peeks at your screen and judging you harshly. Thankfully, we’ve come up with five things you can do on your laptop that will have you finally living up to their impossible standards.
Make a list of all your friends, including some celebrities.
This is a good way to indicate to the skeptical person behind you that you do, in fact, have friends—and more than 12 of them at that. If you want to throw in an extra flaunting point, add a believably obscure celebrity to your list like “Claire from Modern Family”. They will be so impressed that they’ll forget they ever judged you!
Open a spreadsheet.
It doesn’t matter what goes into it. As soon as the person behind you sees those cells they will be assured you’re not into baby stuff like Frozen 2 with subtitles. If all goes well, this will keep them satisfied long enough for you to look for your next activity.
Stage an email argument with your manager about sacrificing your artistic integrity.
Open an email chain deep into a fervent argument with your manager, in which you take the side of preserving your artistic integrity. Did your manager really think you would take on a fucking project—this is the first time you’ve ever sworn at him—that is at odds with your values as an artist and as an individual? Eventually, resolve the argument and tell your manager you only got so angry with him because you care. The person behind you will be forced to come to terms with the fact that you’re flawed, but that just makes you even more human.
Become at peace with yourself
There is no greater feat than being truly and deeply at peace with yourself. For this one to believably work, you will need to devise a long-term plan of finding profound and lasting contentment. The journey is long and rough with many roadblocks ahead, but at the end of it, you can be certain the person behind you on the airplane will pick up on this new change in you and be impressed.
The next time you find yourself on an airplane paralyzed by the critical eye of the stranger behind you, pull out this guide and, before long, their perception of you will be exactly what you designed it to be. If some of these tips seem long and unnecessary, remember: we don’t make the rules, the person behind you does, and nothing is ever enough for them.
