How to Survive the Holidays When Santa Has a Bounty on Your Head

The holidays can be a stressful time for everyone, but especially you, since Santa has a bounty on your head and he’s not gonna stop tracking you down until he kills you with his own bare hands. He sees you when you’re sleeping, and he knows when you’re awake, so here’s how to survive when he’s coming after you because he has a bounty on your head, and he’s got bills to pay:



If you’re caught completely off-guard while Christmas shopping by this menacing Christmas mascot, then running is probably the best option for you. You can also try to knock down shelves or ladders behind you to hopefully slow him down so he doesn’t catch you with his chubby, jolly, but vengeful fingers. However, if this doesn’t get you to a safe zone in time, you could also try the options below.



With all of the decor and crowds of people on city streets this time of year, hiding is a great way to avoid Santa long enough that he gives up and vows to come back another day. Just make sure you’re layered up when you see Santa’s sleigh on the horizon, so that wherever you choose to hide, you’ll stay warm for hours, or possibly days, on end.



Fight back.

If you’ve run out of time and you find yourself completely cornered by Kris Kringle, then you’ll have to fight back if you want to live to see another day. Use everything you can: your fists, your legs, your fingers, or even a weapon that you might have on hand. He won’t stop until you’re dead, so you shouldn’t either.


If you want to beat the stress of the holidays, namely Santa wanting to give you a brutal and painful death, then use the tips above to make sure you can escape his ubiquitous, deadly grip. And who knows? Maybe next year you’ll be on the nice list!