Recently, Eva Mendes “jokingly” said in an interview that sweatpants are “the number-one cause of divorce in America,” and she doesn’t wear them at home with her husband, Ryan Gosling. But few people realize that sweatpants are actually just one of many types of pants that lead to unhappy marriages, and Eva should have warned us about all of them. Here are the five big ones that she missed:
Cargo Pants
Too many pockets. Really, wow, just look at all those pockets! Hey, wait…Why do you need all of those pockets? What are you hiding in them? A secret lover? Your own bank account? A non-joint email account?!? Sinister woman, reveal your secrets!
Silk/Linen Pants
Nice try. These are just fancy pajamas. You’re on a highway to divorce.
Leggings/Yoga Pants
Not enough pockets. What if your husband needs you to carry something for him? What are you gonna do, put it in your purse? Knowing you, it’s already too full of crap. Did you know that 98% of women who do yoga become so consumed by it that they completely forget they have a spouse?
Jeans
You probably thought these were safe, right? Well, that’s because you’re not even trying! Come on, anyone can wear jeans! Put in some effort, for gosh sake! Geez, it’s like you want him to divorce you.
The Pants in the Relationship
Are you wearing them? You are? Too threatening! Take ‘em off take ‘em off take ‘em off!
And there you have it: If you find yourself wearing any of these pants around the house while your husband bears witness, don’t be surprised when you find your marriage in the gutter. Take off your pants and be a wife, for god’s sake!
