Ever since the first Disney princess movie Snow White was released in 1937, headstrong ingenues have captured young imaginations worldwide. Maybe you had a favorite Disney princess growing up who inspired you to tackle life’s challenges with bravery and self-confidence! Wondering where your favorite princess might be now? Here are five Disney princesses who defined your childhood that are definitely dead now.
Snow White (Snow White, 1937)
As previously mentioned, Snow White came out in 1937, at which point the young princess was only 14. That puts her current age at 101 if she were not already dead, which she absolutely is! In fact, she died once already in the original movie – and if there’s one thing to know about death, it is never postponed for long! Our experts estimate that she lived only four more years with Prince Florian, then promptly died on her 18th birthday – as many women figuratively do. You’re gross, Florian!
Ariel (The Little Mermaid, 1989)
Ariel’s story spawned a generation of young girls who wanted to be mermaids, which almost suggests they didn’t listen to the fucking story! Her life was not good. Anyway, Ariel is definitely dead now, considering the rise in ocean temperatures that would have made her habitat an unlivable wasteland. Either that, or we estimate Eric would have had her discreetly killed to make way for one of her younger sisters. You’re gross, too, Eric!
Merida (Brave, 2012)
One of the most headstrong and capable of the Disney princesses, Merida also would have met her untimely end, likely at the hands of the English. Considering that she lives in medieval Scotland, it’s only a matter of time before the Anglo-Scottish wars take her out, suitors be damned. We’re pretty sure she would have put up a good fight though, Mulan-style at least! Which reminds us:
Mulan (Mulan, 1998)
This girl is for sure dead. Mulan takes place around the year 497, so if the Huns didn’t kill her, a life expectancy of, like, 24 definitely did.
Rapunzel (Tangled, 2010)
Sure, Rapunzel was only 18, but considering that she lived in a pretty rural, old-timey village where people relied on magic hair for everlasting youth instead of a robust medical system, we’re estimating she’s probably dead now, too. One rough bout of typhoid probably took that girl right out. Too bad Flynn cut the hair!
There you have it! A brief check-in with your favorite princesses, who are all – without a doubt – worm food right now. But at least we saw them at their best: strong, beautiful, and almost always 14.
