Black Cherry New York Seltzer Water (Hal’s, $1.99)
Say goodbye to your esophagus and hello to Hal’s signature New York blend! This black cherry number is perfect as a midday pick-me-up, but don’t drink it fast or OW OW OW! Razors in your mouth! Bubbles in your stomach! Oh, god, why! It’s like if water said, “Fuck you!”