4 Plaids to Prove Once and For All You’re Over That Summer Dick

If it looks like you’re crying, you’re not. Your eyes are just watering because it’s starting to get cold out and that makes you… happy? You’re definitely not having graphic flashbacks to your summer of dick, where you fucked all night and limped all day in a dick-filled haze. You just bounced between pool parties, dick, barbecues, dick, beach outings, dick, and dick until you woke up one day and it was Labor Day weekend and the dick fled because dick does not like fall commitment. You’re not thinking about that at all and this plaid shirt makes that very clear. Nothing is cozier than a soft flannel shirt—except maybe the crook of a man-arm after a sweaty summer session with some good dick. But you’re not even thinking about that anymore! You don’t have long, vivid dreams about how good it was to leave work early on Fridays, text “u around?” to someone named “summa dick #6” in your phone before riding a dick wave to the early dawn. No, those days are over now and you aren’t even mad. See? This cute shirt. It’s fine, really.